Worth it

I haven’t blogged in awhile because, well, I’ve been busy.

Just last night Jeremiah made the comment that I had not blogged in awhile, and asked what my next idea for a post was. I believe I was making dinner, while nursing the baby, while doing countless other things at this time. I looked at him with the bags that are now permanent fixtures under my eyes and said, ‘I’ve been a little busy’.

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Well duh! Of course we’re busy! We have 3 kids under 5, what else would we be or expect to be?! But I’m getting to a point now where I feel like I’m getting a little better handle on the idea of balancing it all.I’m scheduled to return to work February 3 (part time), so learning balance is kind of a current priority.

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The time in my maternity leave when Jeremiah went back to work was somewhat…interesting. I have dealt with the baby blues with all of my pregnancies, but this time I took a preemptive measure in having my placenta encapsulated, and it helped immensely. {Side note: if you find this gross or disturbing, click on the link and do a little reading. To me, what’s more disturbing is being almost incapacitated for several weeks after birth due to the baby blues that your placenta can help to alleviate. Just my opinion!} I can finally say that {knock on wood} I am about 95% of my normal self. My moods have *finally* leveled and I can function most days without a hitch. I’ve started working back into exercise, but some days that is almost impossible due to the 3 littles under my feet. So, I’m doing what I can within the current limits. I have about 10lbs left to lose of the 35lbs that I gained, which is about the same as with the other 2 kiddos. Both times I went back to work with about 5# left and lost that shortly after. Not ideal, but it could be worse.

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Of course, I was (and still am) exhausted a lot. Amelia started off as a great sleeper, but around Christmastime started waking much more during the night and was a lot crankier. She has reflux and spits up a lot and throws up about once a day. We’re talking like 4 ounces shooting out of that little body! {Sorry for the TMI!} G and L never, ever spitup, so this is completely new for me. We are trying some new things to try to help her with this so we will see. She is gaining weight, but is frequently cranky because of this. She insists on being held constantly, so she gets a lot of time in my wrap and Ergo carriers (both of which I love!).

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Today, I woke up tired.  My midwife refers to this as ‘butt tired’.   Amelia was up at 1030pm, 145am, 445am, 545am. I got up at 650am to get kids ready for preschool. We went to my mom and dad’s house while G was in preschool to pass the time  and chat with my mom. I was contemplating how I could get a nap in this afternoon before I had to get ready to go to Jeremiah’s work Christmas party tonight. I was feeling wore thin. Then it happened. Amelia smiled!!!!!  A real, absolutely, positively intentional smile that was for me, her mother. And it was beautiful!

Suddenly, everything seemed worth it. The repetitive lack of sleep, my frustration with her lack of regularity at 6wks old, the constant evidence of spitup on my shirt or pants, the endless laundry because of said spitup, mood swings, the extra 10 lbs, and frustration with my own lack of patience. Worth it. She smiled! She’s a little person!

Amelia is coming into her own little personhood. She is just now filling out her size newborn clothes, since she started off so tiny. She still loves to be swaddled to sleep. She intently looks at people’s faces and the world around her while waving her arms and taking it all in. She is increasingly alert. She is beginning to coo and smile and giggle a bit. She’s still trying to figure out why there are constantly 20 preschool-sized fingers in her face and why it is always so noisy around here.

I feel like today God sent me a little care package. A gift that was meant to say, ‘You’re doing ok! Keep plugging along, and it will all be worth it.’

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Worth it.

-The {growing} Costellos

 

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